The gift of a clean sweep
Desperation was my new beginning. In today’s society, to be desperate is a character flaw – a humiliating weakness.
James 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
If it weren’t for my desperation – I’d still be stuck in my mess. I knew it was not God’s will. Every time I tried to change, I ended up in it. My will-power would only take me so far – and before I could see how it happened, I was back in it. Every time, for years – it returned, and I never saw it coming.
I was trapped in it. I was ashamed of it. After years of failed attempts to escape it, I realized it was no accident that I was in it. I knew only one person could rescue me. I didn’t just want to get out – I desperately wanted out.
I kicked through a pile of dirty clothes, put my face on the floor – and made a desperate cry to God for help.
I’m sure you’re familiar with the expression “It looks like a tornado came through here”. For years, that expression applied to my life. My room, my bathroom, my car, my desk, the inside of my purse (everywhere) — looked like a tornado blasted through. It wasn’t your ordinary mess. It was the “can’t see the floor” mess that took a week or more to clean.
I don’t remember when it became normal for me to have the messiest room in the house. To those close to me, it was no secret. My door remained closed when family and guests came over. No one was allowed inside. I didn’t have the energy to even begin cleaning it. The mess was overwhelming. As much as I hate to admit it, my room looked a few boxes short of the hoarding shows you’d see on TV.
This blog is not to simply air my dirty laundry. The Lord is my witness – this is something I never wanted anyone to know. But God has been so good to me, and there is nothing I won’t give Him. He deserves my praise for what He’s done for me. He heard my cry that day. I only saw the exterior of my dilemma. He got to the root of it. I asked Him to help me clean up my room. In turn, He cleaned up my life.
James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
I asked for something simple – but He’s not a simple God. He knew I needed more than a clean room to remain free. I needed a clean heart. His gift to me was perfect.
Psalm 51:10-12 Make a clean heart in me, O God. Give me a new spirit that will not be moved. Do not throw me away from where You are. And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Let the joy of Your saving power return to me. And give me a willing spirit to obey you.
He started resolving my dilemma by convicting my heart. I wanted to be closer to Him – and I started seeking Him. (give me a willing spirit)
The more I sought Him, the more He gave me encouragement to continue seeking. He became the passion of my heart. Every day, my heart turned towards Him more. I made willing choices to stop doing things that I knew were displeasing to Him. Not because I’m so righteous – but because He’s so righteous. (give me a willing spirit)
Not that night – but overnight, He gave me the motivation to clean up the mess. I woke up one day, and knew I was going to get it done. I knew I had to do the work, and I couldn’t stop until it was complete. I knew He was helping me – because for many years it was impossible for me to tackle the issue myself.
He’s so righteous that He gave me desire to do things that I would never do for myself – Things that would cause me to live more abundantly.
He created in me a willing spirit to listen to nothing but worship music. (and a desire to not watch TV at all) I never in my life listened to worship music – ever. But He gave me the desire, and through worship music, He introduced me to my Pastor, Joann Rosario Condrey. She taught me about how sin creates open doors to the enemy. When doors are open to him, he can legally bind you and create strongholds in your life. I was undoubtedly bound – and He taught me why I was bound, through Joann.
My sins were filthy before God (all sins are) – and as long as I lived in those sins, a spirit of filth legally bound me. At the time, I was spiritually blind to it. It weighed me down and kept me in a state of weakness and shame. But because of His great love and mercy, I turned away from my sins – and every binding was broken.
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
God knew that unless He fixed the root of my problem – I would end up right where I started. In order to truly fix the problem, I needed to understand why it existed. To accomplish that, I needed to be closer to Him.
Proverbs 2:6 For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
God gave me a desire to seek Him (give me a willing spirit).
That was the perfect gift — because running after Him is equivalent to running away from sin. Staying away from sin – and confessing & repenting when we fall short – keeps us under the authority of Christ, which no other kingdom can penetrate. That’s how I’ve been able to remain in a place of cleanliness.
To the pleasant shock of everyone who closely knows me — my room is *and remains* the cleanest in the house. It bothers me now to see any clothing or paper thrown on the floor. I have a strong desire to make my bed before I leave for the day. I enjoy a clean environment in every way. These are traits I didn’t have when I was living with unconfessed sin – with doors wide open to the enemy.
God redeemed me – But unless He taught me, my life would have returned to the way it was. I had to learn to confess. Jesus went to great lengths to free me from the authority brought on by sin. The enemy never wants us to fully understand what that sacrifice entitles us to. The benefits are not just reserved for us in heaven – but it provides abundance while we’re still in our physical bodies.
It’s important to understand, the enemy doesn’t use the same arrow to target every prey. For me, he kept me in spiritual and physical filth – and fear. The truth is, anything that overpowers your ability to be free in any way is a binding of the enemy. It could be depression, low self-esteem, addiction to anything (money, drugs, sex, lies, arrogance)… whatever binds you — whatever you’re stuck in – confess it, and be set free.
John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
I pray that this blesses you.
Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him.